Caregiver's Forum
July 30, 2014, 09:09:04 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: SMF - Just Installed!
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  
Pages: [1] 2
  Print  
Author Topic: Dealing with a very stubborn mother! And going crazy  (Read 18707 times)
exhausted daughter
Newbie
*
Posts: 35


« on: February 21, 2009, 07:16:36 AM »

Hi! I am a newbie and just joined the site yesterday morning but did not have any time to post anything. My name is Linda and it is a pleasure meeting everybody in here although being new, I have not met anybody just yet. I guess I will start with my story for after reading I see we all have a different story to tell.
My story started 7 years ago when my mother lost my grandmother in a quiet peaceful death. 3 days after my grandmother's death my father took ill and died 7 weeks later from a horrible brain tumor. My mother which is now 74 has never had a good health and was being cared and taken care of by my father. I lived in another state and came down for a funeral to suddenly be stranded in a state for a good year not being able to leave my mother. I begged her to move to my state with me but she refused to do so!
I had an older sister that lived here and on the day of my father's funeral after the funeral, her family went on vacation and the plate was dropped in my hands. I have had the plate ever since with barely any support or help with my mom since.
Over the past 7 years, I have been the grass cutter, the tree trimmer, the take care of my father's dog, the driver to doctor's offices, grocery stores, beauty shops and been nurse, doctor and friend.
In the past 7 years I have been through a living night mare with my mom. She has been able to live on her own and pay her bills, but needs assistance with many things. She can't drive, she can't take groceries in the house. Etc. etc!
My mother has not been the average typical mother that many children get in their life times. She has alway's been very picky over everything. Her house has to be perfect. Her clothes has to be perfect. She is very picky on her eating. And is a compulsive complainer! No matter what you do to help she alway's finds fault with it. My husband and I cut down her bushes and the next year she expects it again. I have had to stock her wood pile for her fireplace. You name it, I have just about gotten stuck with everything.
Everytime she gets sick she ends up in my home and I end up being a caretaker. Bad thing is over the past seven years my health itself has gone down. I have Lupus, Asthma, Neuropathy, B-12 issues and now my thyroid acting up. Just alot of health problems that I am having to deal with. But my family does not care about me being sick. They think I should take care of my mom.
She had knee replacement surgery 5 weeks ago and the day after her surgery went into Acute Renal Failure. Everything that was supposed to go with that surgery ended up in me having to bring her to my home, getting a hospital bed, wheelchair, home health comes out 30 minutes 2 times a week. PT and OT are here 2 times a week. Now my mother is trying her best not to get well. She makes excuses each time the OT wants her to do something. For 5 weeks I have heard Linda this and Linda that. Busting my fanny trying my best to take care of her.
And the worst part! I see my mother needing assisted living. But she will refuse doing that! I feel trapped! I don't want to be taking care of my mother. I'm tired! I'm exhausted! It's been 7 years of care taking and I just don't know how much longer I can handle taking care of her! For 7 years I have seen no vacations, no breaks no life for myself. Everything has been all about mother! My whole life has been about mother. And not an easy mother at that but a picky nit picking mom that at times has had me to the point of just wanting to go into a room and grab my gun and just place it to my head and get it over with.
Part of me hates I even moved back to my home town. I hate where I live, I hate my home. I hate my life and I am just a miserable person. I have tried in several nice ways to tell her she needs to sell her home and get a smaller place that she can handle. But she just won't listen to me. And now I have her living with me and she is so hard to handle. If she would just be more helpful and understanding it would make things easier on me. But I see a woman that is going to put me in a nut house.
It's all day long me running from sun-up to sun down. I need this and I need that! Will you get me a cookie to get the cookie after going half way across the house and as soon as I reach her room then she needs a ink pen or drink or writing pad. Phone book! I have lost 15 pounds in one month. And still loosing! Falling asleep in chairs while she is talking my ears off. Don't get me wrong! I do love my mother and have alway's loved her but this stress on me is just to much for me to handle. She has me as her POA but also has a Health POA at that too. So I really can't do anything with her because her mind is still good. But her health is not good! She's being a pain right now! I cook a nice dinner and if it's something she don't like I end up back in the kitchen cooking all over again.
I'm so fed up and just don't know what to do! Any advice would be helpful! Thanks for hearing me out! I really needed to vent this out for I have nobody else to talk to about it!
Logged
heyjude
Newbie
*
Posts: 9


« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2009, 12:26:40 PM »

Hi Exhausted daughter.   I'm sorry to see that no one has responded to you.   It sure sounds as though you have your hands full.   I don't have  much advice for you but wanted to let you know that your feelings are understood and are valid.   I wondered where your sister is in all this, can she come over and just give you a break for a few days?   Even one day a week, or every other week.    Funny thing about food, both my mother (now passed away) and my mother in law that I help with now, decided they wanted to eat junk food all the time.   There was nothing I could do to convince them otherwise, so you know what? I bring them what they like and just let them enjoy themselves.   Mom liked rice pudding and things like that.   My mother in law likes pastries.   To heck with it, it's the end of their lives and they should at least have that for enjoyment.   At least that's what I told myself.  Good luck dear, and just know that what you're doing is a blessing for your mother, whether she knows it or not.  hugs.
Logged
exhausted daughter
Newbie
*
Posts: 35


« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2009, 03:19:53 PM »

 :'(Hey Jude! pleasure to meet you. Still dealing with my mother and we are now going into week #7. Personally! I am getting more and more anger inside me everyday. But not towards my mother but then again yes I do have some anger because she is still giving me such a hard time with things and in my own home. She is very well ready now to go home but keeps saying she isn't ready. But yet when she wants to do something she does it. When she doesn't want to do something she refuses to do it. Seeing a bit of dementia too in her. Spells! I am beginning to wonder if she has beginning stages of Altziemers the way she is acting. She stayed with me before and I never had it this bad. But this time she is giving me a hard hard road here!
I have one sister and right now I have lost all respect for her. Even have a hatred towards her! Can't even talk to her without her getting an attitude and the last time we had a phone conversation that was when my mother was sick we had a knock down drag out. Every weekend my sister and her husband go to the beach when she is not working during the week. Leaving me behind to do all the dirty work.
Right now as I am typing this, she and her family are on vacation in Colorado for a week. Could have cooked a meal for us or something but noooo! She just takes advantage of her baby sister here! And the she spends the rest of her time with her grandchildren. I barely even get to see mine because I am so tuckered out from the week caring for my mom! I may sound greedy but I am at an age now where I should be enjoying my life some. Enjoying my grandchildren and having a life.
Seven long years I have been pushed around, bossed around and treated like I am a servant to my mom and sister. With them both being selfish at times not even thinking about my life at all!
At one time, when my father died I cried like a baby loosing him. And the thoughts of loosing my mother at that time I felt the same way. Now! I can't wait for it to get over with. And I don't even know if I will cry at her funeral or be jumping for joy to finally  have my life back. That is my biggest fear! I honestly don't know how I am going to react when that time comes.
Thank-you so much for responding to me! At least I feel like somebody cares. And that is a stranger I met on this forum. My sister certainly doesn't care about my feelings. I'm just somebody that she can use to take care of mom while she gets to have a life.
When I found out my sister flew on a plane to Colorado with her family. I must ask for forgiveness for I normally don't wish bad things to happen to people and not even my family. But deep inside I was hoping the plane would crash just so I no longer have to put up with her and her attitude. I feel ashamed for feeling this way. But she has given me nothing but hardship and pain and has only shown a selfish attitude.
Bad thing! When my mother does pass! I want a separate viewing just so I don't have to look at her and deal with her crying and acting like a joke.
Thank-you for responding. I even called my doctor and he gave me something for my nerves to help me sleep at night and help the depression from this. Shame a family can't work together on things when a parent gets sick. Really a shame! Thank-you Jude! I needed a caring person today!
Logged
JETER02
Newbie
*
Posts: 9



« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2009, 11:42:54 PM »

You are not alone. I would explain my situation, however, I couldn't say what I'm going through any better than you did. Your life and mine are so similiar it's eerie!! Vent all you want...I am here for you if you need. I am a "newbie", so bear with me as I learn the ins and outs of the site. I will look for you and I'd love to keep in contact with you.  Hang in there. I will if you will!!
Jennifer
Logged

JENNIFER
exhausted daughter
Newbie
*
Posts: 35


« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2009, 05:13:09 AM »

Hi Jennifer! Welcome to the site dear friend! So sorry that you too are going through the same situation that I am going through. It's been a very tough 3 months and I am still being a Caretaker for my mother. I finally ended up taking her home last week but am running back and forth trying to care for her needs. Between me and my husband both we are just totally worn out and exhausted. Last week when I came home I laid in my bed and slept for two days. My husband got so worried about me and decided to finally wake me up.
This weekend my lousy brother in law pulled a stunt and took advantage of my mother which I got extremely angry about. So I ended up calling them both and letting them have a piece of my mind. They call my mom and then tell her a bunch of lies and who get's into trouble! The Caretaker! LOL! I litterally had to sit down and talk to my mother and warn her about the wording in her Will. She left my lousy sister as Executor  when she passes for my parents at the time she left it thought my sister would be the responsible one. Boy did they make a mistake on that one!
The whole entire time I have been caring for my mother all I have heard from them is about her Will and what they plan on doing. Letting me have this and have that! And my mother is not even dead yet! I asked her to hand everything over to a lawyer and let him handle her affairs. That way there is no arguements over anything.
A sister that does not even want to help out with anything but can't wait to get her hands on my mother's money! It makes me sick thinking about it! Think this way neither one of us handles her affairs and let the lawyer do the work instead. Either that or reword her Will where my sister's hands are tied and she has no choice but do do what my mother wishes.
I have a cry baby sister that runs to my mother everytime I say something and she knows that it will work every single time. She's playing a game with my mother and thinks she is playing a game with me to but I am not stupid! I know what she is doing!
My mom on the other hand needs me. And I know that she needs me. But it is not easy at all caring for your mom!
The hardest part is I have an illness called Systemic Lupus along with Asthma. And was in a car accident 3 years ago that injured my spine. Had surgery on that and it went into Gillian Barre Syndrome. Mild case though! I am sick myself and trying to care for my mother. The lousy sister knows this but she is so selfish about everything and involved with having a life enjoying herself while leaving me stuck with my mom!
And my mother is a very hard person to please! Very hard! All I want is my mom to get well again and she is doing better. But I know deep inside that it's only a matter of time before we have another round of hospital stays and then I am going to see the same thing happen again. Although I have a little relief right now because she is back at home and I am now getting a little bit of peace and quiet, I know deep inside that it's just a small tiny vacation for a while. Then I will be back at it again.
Last summer  I had a time with her. Have a feeling this summer will be worse. For some reason the warm weather causes a behavior change in my mom and when it comes she starts getting memory changes and starts acting weird. I still think she is beginning stage of Altzheimers.
It was very nice meeting you and I pray that you get a break too soon! Not easy caring for a loved one. Especially when you are sick yourself and trying your best to take care of another one that is sick. It really takes a toll on the health!
Thank-you
Linda
Logged
JETER02
Newbie
*
Posts: 9



« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2009, 05:44:06 AM »

HI,
Thank you... I as well will pray for you. It's uncanny the topics your talking about because once again you are taking the words out of my mouth.  My sister-in-law,(the nurse) can't wait to get her hands on my mom's antiques.  I never thought money and material things would happen in my family?? BOY, I was wrong.!! Ready for this one, my brother mows our lawn,(as my dad past away and I'm not one for "gardening "type activities..)Well,since my mom has been sick,she can't work, I lost my job(MSW for 22 years) it is quit tight finanicially. My brother has the balls to charge my mom to mowthe lawn and/ or shovel the driveway!!UNBELIEVEABLE!!..
  Talk about losing it. Last night  I was making an ice-cream cone for my mom in the little kitchenette,and brother,after his whoppin' 13 minute visit, stated "I gotta go, I have to eat dinner" I remarked "THIS IS MY DINNER"!![/!! LOL!! AUGGHHHH!! I am a very giving,caring person..Probably why I'm a Social worker huh?? But ,honest to G od, this is the toughest job I have ever had or ever will have.  I love my Mom to peices but I'm really losing it.  I am 44 years old, single and have not done anything,gone anywhere with the exception of a Yankee game 3 years ago!! I have had it I get more depressed and resentful and guilty of feeling those feelings everyday...Thanks for listening...Had a bit of a moment there>> LOL..  Well, here's to another day..
  Anyway,I wanted to send you a quick hello to you and it is a pleasure to meet you as well. Is it funny.., how you spill your guts to a total stranger,and after a couple e-mails My heart goes out to you so much. I will think of you often through out the day wondering how your doing...Keep me posted .
Talk with you soon..
Jennifer.
Logged

JENNIFER
anthonyRossi
Newbie
*
Posts: 3


« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2009, 04:06:11 PM »

...this is my dinner... CLASSIC! you took the words right out of my mouth ! I just keep saying every sec of the day "God give me strength" and then let out a huge breath. .. usually that helps. and then if it does not do the trick, I scream into a pillow or something.. LOL.
Logged
JETER02
Newbie
*
Posts: 9



« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2009, 09:48:09 PM »

LOL!!  Cheesy !!You got it!! Have you ever heard the saying "God never gives you more than you can handle..I just wish He would stop trusting me so much!!" LOL!!  Thanks for the laugh..Your timing was great!!  BTW!! My mom's madien name is Rossi!!?? TTLY??!!
Logged

JENNIFER
exhausted daughter
Newbie
*
Posts: 35


« Reply #8 on: April 10, 2009, 04:55:13 AM »

Hi Jennifer and Anthony! I am soon to be 49 years old and the past few days have been quiet ones so far. Thank-goodness! My mom though has spells. When she starts getting her spells then the frustration begins.
My father passed away 7 years ago. My mother lost her mom on May 1st 2002 and then 3 days later my father took ill and he passed away 7 weeks later. I lived in another state and when I came down for the funeral of my grandmother, I was not able to go back home right away. I had three older children at the time and my middle daughter was pregnant and had just gotten married a few months before she got pregnant. My youngest daughter was in college and my oldest son was still staying at home with us.
My sister lived here in this state of NC. And she had a job where she traveled alot. Still does! But still she could help some even if it's  not but 2 times a month. One weekend would be great! But she does not even do that!
I got stranded here in NC with nothing but funeral clothes and was borrowing some of my mothers clothes because my father was dying. He came home on hospice in June with a brain tumor that was not operable. He died in my arms on June 22, 2002. Right after his funeral my mom took ill and was in the hospital 5 different times. So I basically couldn't leave! My sister on the day of my father's funeral packed her bags and they went to the Beach and took a vacation! A VACATION! Knowing that I needed to go back home and get some belongings and talk things over with my family about moving back so I could help out with my mother. Lets just say she  dumped my mother on me like a hot potato and I have had my mother ever since.
Took me 6 different trips to travel through 4 states just to get our belongings while my husband waited to see if he could get a transfer and try to sell our home. He ended up moving down jobless because he didn't want to be without me and a transfer was just not there. He found a job here a month later. But I got stuck moving all our furniture and other things all by myself and not once did they lift a hand to help me move my things into a rented place. Our son and other daughter stayed in our house until it got sold.
My younger daughter decided to transfer to NC State and graduated there 2 years later. She now lives on her own.  My middle daughter and her husband later moved here but in another town for her husband got a transfer and they are two hours away. But they are closer by. I barely ever get to see my grandchildren now because of this and my son moved in with us for 2 weeks and then joined the Navy. Then he got married and moved to Florida.
We were all a very close family to suddenly be torn apart from each other. If I woud have gone back to where we lived none of this would have happened. I would have been babysitting my grandchildren. And enjoying them growing up. My son would have met a girl in the state we were living in and probably gotten married there for he had a good paying job there. And my baby daughter would have been still living at home with us. My family got torn apart over this. My son was angry at me because we were moving and he didn't want to move. My middle daughter was upset because this was her first baby and I wasn't around and my baby daughter when she moved here to NC met a guy and they are now living with each other. Which I did not approve of! My husband  has a decent paying job but we miss where we lived at. Had a nice home and nice neighbors and now I live in a state of people that all they do is gossip! Country folks that have nothing better to do but stick there nose in your business!
I somehow lost alot over this whole situation. And yet I still care for my mom! I tried my best into talking her to move where I lived. But she was not ready to let things go here! I want to see my son in Florida but can't! His wedding was in Florida and I could not even show up. And he got upset about that!
To a degree I am angry about everything. Very angry! Not towards my mother but towards my sister. She has no compassion towards me at all. Not once was there any compassion!
I moved to NC in 2007 after being in another state for 17 years. But I would visit every year and stay 2 weeks. And when I came down I helped my father out with his garden and my mom with the dishes. While my life has had to change hers has not! She is still living the way she wants to live and my whole life just changed. I guess you would say a huge sacrifice that I have had to pay! While my sister continues to enjoy her glory! My mother wants me to get along with my sister. But I can't bring myself to even love her much less. I actually have grown hatred towards her because of how she has dumped me with the entire bag!
And my mom can't help it! She's old and she needs help with just about everything. She lives on 3 acres of land that needs constant grooming. And I have tried getting her to sell the place and move into something smaller. But she just won't let go of it. In the meantime, I am the one stuck having to care for the place and repair stuff for her. Constantly putting a strain on my body and health. I take my mom grocery shopping, cut her grass, pick up her meds, doctor her when she is sick. Run her here and run here there. Now she is 7 years older and I am being strained more. She can't buy her groceries anymore so I have to do that with me and my husband.
Jennifer! You are so right about wanting to get away for a few days. I have not seen a vacation in 7 years. 7 years of being stuck here in a town that I really don't enjoy being in.
If I don't pass away first... and my mother goes before me. And  my sister and I do inherit her estate. Believe me! I will be moving to the mountains away from everything. I mean everything! That will be the last time I see my sister! And I never ever want to see her again!
Last summer, I was so depressed after having spine surgery and I sat around in my house and didn't want to clean, didn't want to do anything. I was very sick at the time and my poor husband got stuck having to care for my mom and me both. Then I started getting better and started bouncing back. To  end up having to care for my mom again! And for some reason... I felt as if my sister wanted me dead! Hey! If I'm dead she has so much to gain! A Will where she will get it all!
If my father was alive and watching what was going on! He certainly would be freaking! I even think he would have changed the Will.
It's just been a total mess! I am trying to get our home settled and still can't get settled because I am so busy with my mom doing stuff with her all the time that I can't even find time for myself! I used to enjoy crafting and making things. Have not done that in 7 years. Just never no time for myself!
I do love my mother! I really do! But it seems that I can't enjoy the mother daughter relationship that we once had with each other because of alway's having to run or do for her! But Jennifer! I know exactly where you are coming from! For many that are in my shoes. I truely do feel for them. And I try to say to myself that I am not the only one having to deal with a situation like this. That I know for sure. Somebody else is out there doing the same thing.
My mom has me as her POA. But she has placed things in that POA that leave me powerless! And when she was sick I did have to use it for a month until she got better. That rotten sister of mine showed her living tail the entire time and didn't approve of anything I did until I brought my mom home to my house. And after I brought her here! It was like everything then was to her satisfaction. But she not once offered to come and help or nothing.
Well I better get dressed and take my meds! Have another day of being busy! LOL! It never ends does it!
Hugs and God Bless!
Linda
Logged
JETER02
Newbie
*
Posts: 9



« Reply #9 on: April 10, 2009, 08:52:38 PM »

Hi Linda, and I'm glad you wrote,
Boy do I know where you are coming from.  As yours, our family was close,and for all intent and purposes,noraml middle class "happy" people.  WOW, how things change huh?? My father as well is rolling in his grave too.  I keep going,with the grace of God every day. What angers me most lately is that my brother can see the stress and the amount of care it takes for my mom(even though at the present time she is in rehab,it still feels like I'm working as I want 1/2 the nurses and aides paychecks because they do nothing for her,and when they do,I get a look like, "Why in the *&%^##@!! can't you do it??) Anyway, he sees it and STILL does nothing.  Puts in his 10 minute visit if that,and leaves..NOTHING!! How can you live wiyh yourself as your sister sits there,obviously exhausted.crying,out of work,and depressed as all get out and go home and on with his life?? Maybe I'm the one that's wrong?? We were not brought up that way...Anyway, God bless you and keep me posted if you like.  I'll respond,as you can tell,every day there's something..So, Glad to hear you have had a couple of quiet days.. Prepare tho..never seems that you can be totally at ease, at least for me!! Take Care and TTYL!!
Logged

JENNIFER
exhausted daughter
Newbie
*
Posts: 35


« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2009, 04:22:06 AM »

Hi Jennifer! You and I both have so much in common! I too am without a job. I got fired when I didn't return back home from my dad's funeral. And I had a very good paying job where I used to live. With my mom being the way she is there is just no time for working another job. Hope your  hospitals and rehabs in your area are not as lousy as the ones in my area. Bad to say this, but you think you might get a little break while your loved one is in a place like that and you catch yourself running more and getting more exhausted because you have to be a babysitter to the staff that is caring for that person. Healthcare facilities in my area just don't really take the time with the patients. My mom had a better rehab staff coming to my house than the place they sent her to after her surgery. One nurse in the hospital made several mistakes with my mom's medications. Then you get this fear because your mom is old that they don't care if she passes on. So they totally don't do much for that patient.
Your brother sounds just like my sister. Her 10 minute visit and then goes home to enjoy her glory! LOL! My sister plays dumb! She knows what she is doing too and that is what makes me so darn mad! LOL!
I am going to talk with my mom today about getting a home health aide to come in her home to help her some. Maybe just a few days a week to give me a little break. And I am trying to find a grass cutter for her this year. Also a housekeeper. If I can get some of these things then maybe my life would be a bit easier. I got to do something here. My husband has to work for we have bills to pay and I can't rely on him to take in all this responsibility. He helps me don't get me wrong but the man can only do so much. Not easy working a full time job and then doing what I am doing. My biggest fear is him getting tired of all the mess going on and him deciding that he wants to leave me because of this. When you are married and having to care for a parent it is hard having a married life.
This week though I plan on talking with my mom. I'm getting to old to be doing all the man stuff around her home. And keeping up her house along with it is killing me. We got to take away some of the work at her place so I can focus on her and her alone. I am going non stop 100 hours a week. And it's just killing me. It was a real pleasure meeting you Jennifer!
I hope that things do get better for the both of us. I will keep you in my prayers and hope things turn around for you too! God Bless!
Linda
Logged
nutcase
Newbie
*
Posts: 1


« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2009, 08:39:21 PM »

Hello Jennifer and Linda,

Thank god I am not the only one living in this HELL. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't wish this on anyone, well maybe someone in my family, who doesn't do squat to help out. Its funny ya know we grow up having  a somewhat normal upbringing never suspecting that we would be taking care of our parents to the point where they are the babies and cant take care of themselves. I thought my mom was wonder woman. The most kindest women in the world. Now she has alzheimers disease and she is a Bewitch its nuts ya know. Its so weird sitting here and thinking to myself when is this going to get better. Funny thing is though it wont... Sorry kinda feeling sorry for myself. I am a single mom w/ 2 little girls 9 and 11. We came to live with my mom pending a divorce from my ex. that was 7 years ago. She was the wonderful mom who was always their for her children. She helped my out when i needed it and now its my turn but who would have thought this mess was going to happen. I am 44 years old. My mom was diagnosed with alzheimers 3 yrs ago. Life sucks sometimes. My sister was having problems and she moved in with us. At the time I thought it was a blessing but now she is getting on with her life and moving to another state. I just want to sit down and  cry...it Feels so lonely out here. Even though I do have another sister that lives near its not the same thing. We were like sounding boards for each other. I am going to be putting my mom in Adult daycare I hope it works out. My sister was taking my mom to work with her. I guess it was too much for her as well. I really wish god would give me a break. I haven't had a date in 7 yrs. I don't suppose anyone would be interested in a crazy-woman with a crazy-momma and 2 crazy children do you? LOL Life just keeps on getting better and better. Take care I need to get some sleep before work.
Judy
Logged
JETER02
Newbie
*
Posts: 9



« Reply #12 on: April 14, 2009, 11:40:12 PM »

Hi Judy,
Your not nuts..Or if you are , I'm right there with ya!! LOL.. I know exactly what you are going through and YEP..Life sucks!! Ya gotta have faith, Blind faith, but faith nonetheless... I look at my mom(AKA Super Woman as well) and just wonder..what the &^$%##@!!.. I think the same as I too  have not had a date in years. I'm in the running for the record with you. Except I have not been married nor do I have any kids.  As this has really taken over my entire life for the last..at leat 8-9 years.
  OOHHHHH but my brother, well, lets just say, by the sounds of it, you have a sibling that may very well be similiar?? Oh and may I add, My mom thinks he greatest thing since sliced bread!! Sliced bread has done more for my mom than he has! LOL... You vent to me anytime and know you are not alone.. Only in bed at night..LOL..Just trying to make you smile,  Tongue Roll Eyes..Bad joke, sorry!! You are in my heart already as I know what you are dealing with...Please, if you want, keep in touch..I need you too!!!  God Bless you and your children. We can only go one day at a time..sometimes I can only go 1 hour at a time... !!
Jennifer
Logged

JENNIFER
JETER02
Newbie
*
Posts: 9



« Reply #13 on: April 14, 2009, 11:58:38 PM »

Hi Linda,
Just wanted to say hello and see how you were hanging?? I want to say, I hope your doing well ,and truely hope you are, however, I think if you are like me..I think I'll  just leave it as I'm thinking and praying for you.!!!  Take Care..TTYL
Jennifer
Logged

JENNIFER
exhausted daughter
Newbie
*
Posts: 35


« Reply #14 on: April 15, 2009, 05:36:03 AM »

Hi Judy and Jennifer! Judy! Believe me! Your not a nut case! I think all 3 of us are dealing with the same situations but each mom is different. Yes! Add me in to once thinking my mom was the super hero! Then to suddenly see your mother change in a different way is so hard to take in. My mother when she can't her way starts pouting like a child and gets a child behavior. I see beginning stages of Altzheimers in my mom. Her memory is getting bad! Especially short term memory. And all she talks about is her childhood and past. Anything with the future she forgets. She can watch a show and after the  show she can't remember hardly any of it at all. Take her out to dinner and the next day she can't remember where she went. Then she throws fits when she wants something done and it does not get done that day. Plus I have seen some sneaky behavior along with it.
I tried getting my mom in a Senior Center where she could be around people her age and she does not want that.
I guess you could say Judy that we are all in the same shoes. I truely do feel for you and welcome you to the site. Anytime you need to scream I am here! You too Jennifer! Lets call us The 3 Muskateers instead of nutcases! Helping each other through the days when we need that shoulder to cry on.
It has been so nice meeting you in here! Sometimes you feel alone and that is hard to deal with. I keep saying to myself that one day I am going to be rewarded for what I am doing. And Jennifer and Judy.. you both will soon have your day of rewards.
I think the hardest part is us all knowing it all just a matter of time before we see our mother's gone into another world. We will have all kinds of emotions at first but then things will get better for us. I think Jennifer will end up meeting a very nice man and will end up getting married. And Judy.. that first date of not dating in 7 years will be a nice one. Me! I'm going to the beach and going to walk the sand and pick up sea shells and just take a deep breath of fresh air.
When my mom does pass! I know she will be back with my father and rejoined again. I honestly feel that when she goes she will be in a better place. A place where there is no more pain and only happiness.
It is great that there is a site in here where we can all vent and get advice. Very hard job that we have being a caretaker!
Judy! My mom also say's things to me that are nasty. And boy does that hurt when they talk to you that way. I end up crying because of it. But I keep saying to myself she didn't mean what she said. But then sometimes I wonder if she did mean it! My biggest fear is loosing my husband! I need him! He is all I have! I loose him over this situation and it would kill me!
So far the past few days have been okay. I have been resting all I can and my husband took over for me a few days to give me a break. Bad thing! His mom too is now starting to get sickly and I hope his family don't drop her off at my house. I would  cry! Not only that probably kill myself! LOL! I love my husbands mother but after caring for my mom and dad the way I have. After this is over with, my days of caretaking will be over!
Judy! And Jennifer! I am hoping today is a very nice one for you today. And will be keeping you both in my prayers. Tomorrow I have to take my mom to the doctor's again. Sure hope that day turns out good too! Hugs
Linda
Logged
Pages: [1] 2
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.11 | SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!